Just another average day

So there I was going back in time with the time machine I made with my bare hands with some 4x4 and a bit of steel girders I found lying around in my house. I specifically went back in time to take on Genghis Khan and his army in hand to hand combat, only to see that he sent 10,000 men to take me on. I was not best pleased, not even worthy of a early morning work out. After I took them out I had to headbutt Genghis and tell him that if he ever insults me again by not taking my manliness seriously I would break his legs.

Then I travelled back to present time and decided to help out some children in Africa, as you do, so I took a few supplies and headed off. Only to realise I left my passport at home, safe to say I was not a happy chappy. But I had gone too far to go back now, I mean 20 metres nah I weren't having any of that, forget turning back, I'll have to make my own way there. As I was walking down nearly Southern Spain I saw some Whales and they started giving me some cheek, so I introduced them to some dear friends of mine, Sammy and Davis Jr. and rode them to Morocco. After I got off, I gave them a final close up look at Davis Jr. Sammy couldn't be bothered so he allowed Davis Jr. to have the honour.

So there I was walking through the Sahara Desert at noon, don't know what all the fuss is about I found it to be quite cool, a nice breeze was just what the doctor ordered.
I finally got to Ethiopia and started to unpack all the equipment I carried on my back, none of this pre made stuff or IKEA flat pack crap. This was wood I chopped down from the rainforest in South America, I don't need it to supply me with oxygen, I create my own out of my manliness.
After what seemed 5 minutes, it was actually 4 minutes 54 seconds, but hey whose counting. I had built a thriving town that now had over 5,000 huts and two Starbucks. My job was almost over. I had one thing left to do.

I headed down to Zimbabwe, and kicked down the door to the palace and walked straight over to Mugabe and kicked him square in the head. The guards were called in but ran out when they saw me, I had my Bruce Willis vest on from Die Hard. They must know never to take on a guy in a Bruce Willis vest.

Then I headed off home, and my woman had my tea on the table, pretty good day I think, minus Genghis Khan insulting me.